Theory Of The Insects


Always good at hide and seek, even as a kid.  Small, flexible, I get goosebumps when I feel myself enclosed.  My fantasy is to be buried alive, wood and velvet tight to my limbs.

There’s a rumour going around the shop that I fuck the french loaf halves before everyone else clocks in.  When they ask me about it, I just smile and wink.  I steal sandwiches out from their lunchboxes and then casually return them during dinnerbreak.  Here you go.  Sorry, I took the wrong one.  Smile.  Wink.  They go straight in the bin.  When the room is empty I rescue them, before Frank dumps his half-drunk coffee.  It’s hungry work being this unpopular.

Frank the Wank, as his name suggests, hides in the toilet cubicles to shit and sperm.  I hear the many rings on his fingers rattling away, and his soft grunts growing in severity.  Everyone loves Frank though.  There’s no rumours about him sticking it into baked goods, and no one believes me when I tell them about his adventures in the restrooms.

They think I’m fucked up, which is a lousy expression at the best of times.  Some want to pound my eyes, the rest are scared of infection.  So, when no one is looking, I go to a corner of the warehouse, move the boxes of beans, remove the secret panel to the crawl space, and fold inside.  Drawing my knees up to my chin, I read with the book pressed to my face.

6 comments on “Theory Of The Insects

  1. S_MW says:

    Christ, this is excellent. I laughed out loud at the rumour of you bonking the baguettes.

    • jimmicampkin says:

      Haha! Thank you! Thankfully, I’ve never been the subject of such scandalous rumours. Although I have known and worked alongside a Frank….

      • S_MW says:

        Oh my God. I feel a fool now. Your writing screams of real. Haha x

      • S_MW says:

        A guy that I worked with used to try and show me porno videos on his phone…while I was having my friggin’ lunch. I suspect he was a Frank – but that’s my dad and my brother’s name – so that’s weird. The pornvid guy’s name escapes me…

      • jimmicampkin says:

        Don’t feel a fool! It’s a compliment. I like it to feel real. But no, my life isn’t nearly as exciting…

        I’ve never had someone show me porn, but I did once work with a guy who would download images of porn actresses to his phone and tell me they were his latest girlfriend. The idiot forgot to hide the copyright watermarks….

      • S_MW says:

        Hahaha. Now, he’s a fool. I wasn’t the only one that Mr No-name showed porn to, but I was the only one who had the balls to tell him to fuck off. I only had 20 minutes for my lunch…

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