Walking across a dark, rainy bridge of suicides, I can feel her tender hands around mine keeping me from the edge. Around us, drifts of snow are piled and dirty like dead sheep, but there’s gold in those eyes and silver glinting in those teeth.
We will always walk this path, even now… even thirty years after the fact when your face is covered by the mist of a few broken hearts, a few hundred whiskeys and a few thousand dull days staring into faces as bland as dinner plates. I sit on the floor, surrounded by a week’s worth of TV dinners buzzing with insects, and I clench my hand into a fist… and as the nails dig into my skin I feel the warmth of yours. Wherever you are now – happy, no doubt – you will never know how often you save me.
On rainy evenings, I throw on a rucksack and trudge out into the mire. Ignoring the hiss of passing cars in the spray, and the glare of headlights, I stare down at the soft colours – all those sunflower yellows from reflected streetlights, dark purples and blues from the oily puddles under my feet, and the black mass of the old bridge as solid as a marble tomb.
I don’t sleep anymore, I just shut my eyes and think of the nice things I want to have. I wiggle my toes under the blanket and imagine cool grass and innocence, before I burned myself on finite desire.