She Only Kisses On Thursdays


She hides one eye behind a torrent of thick, globulous, dyed hair.  Teeth like an antique piano, I fantasise about their tune.  Lame, I know.  But then, I’m the guy who hovers around the beans, the peas and the tinned fish; with my squeaky trainers and leather trenchcoat; too big for my shoulders and too hot for a July afternoon.  All for a glimpse, or maybe for nothing.  The security guards follow me, pushing the products forward, making everything neat, making sure the labels match.  I put my hands in my pockets and pretend I am cocking a pistol.  I don’t know how; I just watch too many films, and I’ve practised the noise using the spit on my tongue.

I dream of being fondled inappropriately, because I’m too shy to make the first move, and too male to ever find the experience distressing.  Sweat runs down my arms and tickles my fingers.  The air fills with fresh bread and sweet donuts.  My high-necked roll collar itches against shaving rash.

She always smiles.  Looking down into the glass cabinet, then looking up.  Curling that clotted curtain of hair over one ear.  She’s always happy to see me.

Like today.

The Girl On The Bakery opens a gusher, without any warning.  I stand powerless.  The same smile, the same look, and then a plunge into her own arm with scissors from her pocket.  Two of the staff immediately rush to her aid.  The rest are sprinting to save the daily bread.

8 comments on “She Only Kisses On Thursdays

  1. S_MW says:

    This amused me, made me smile. I recognised these people, I think..?

    • jimmicampkin says:

      The Girl is sort of based on a real person; the event is also based on a real event, but the two are not interconnected.

      The narrator is me. Because I used to wear those things, because I was a silly boy (and long may it continue…)

  2. This just showed, how cold people can be, especially with the crowd gathering, as more people gathered around, there’s less likely chance, that any of the bystanders will do something, to help out the person who’s in distress, they don’t call it the diffusion of responsibility for nothing…

  3. Ra'ahe says:

    Ohkay.. this is really fucking good. Also, I could be that girl, if only to see how many would save the bread than save me.Statistics can be fun to be experimented with. Either way, great writing♥

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