I find a strange purity in a long walk in the countryside. As an activity it is largely unrivalled in not possessing any cynicism or alterior motive. Without violence. I always feel an almost Biblical absolution before setting out on a long walk. I know that I will sweat, probably get muddy, probably get lost and I will have views like these burned into my eyeballs. To sin is human, to walk divine. I never go for the easy places. I look for the drama and I can observe it detached. Whatever hurtful things I have done or said in the past and whatever hurt I will inevitably cause in the future, just for a moment the slate can be wiped clean.
I stand at the edge of a tall cliff and I can feel the wind pushing me back, away from the lip. If I were more daring, I’d lean forwards and allow my coat to act like a sail like I used to do on the edge of a deep pit back in my hometown. Instead I click, click, click, click, click myself under and sit down cross legged on the soft grass. There is a mightly eagle in the above picture, with a great white head and blue flames for wings. Those with the right eyes will already know what I’m talking about.
Conversations With People Who Are Drunk 3:
[she has sat down at my table and is trying to convince me to quit my job and work at a care home.]
“I think you’re wasted”
[motioning to my beer] ‘Not yet, but give it time’
“I mean your talents. I think you’re wasting your talents.”
‘I couldn’t work in a care home. I’d find it too traumatic.’
“You get used to it.”
‘I’m not sure I would…’
“Listen. I can see that you are a really caring person. I think you’d be really good where I work. I am really good at reading people and I can see that you haven’t got an ounce of evil in you….”
[she leans across the table so her face is just a few inches from mine and stares into my eyes for about ten seconds]
[she sits back down]
“Well… maybe you have a bit of evil, but not that much….”
Out here on the coast you can watch the rain showers sliding quietly by, never encroaching inland but ambling happily alongside you. This is the point where the sky kisses the water.
Walking in the unknown places, as anonymous as a snowflake. I miss a few people, and the bonds are becoming stretched to the point of finality. Names, memories and the sounds of voices are slowly fading like old wallpaper. Sometimes I wish I could Be There, but then I remember the choices I’ve made, and why. When I get lonely, which is occasionally, I plaster more and more art on my walls, tacking up my own sketches or hacking pictures of people, places and paintings from the pages of magazines. Most of the time though, I still enjoy the silence. I still enjoy playing guitar at three in the morning because I cannot sleep, because my body clock is currently fucked. I still feel the hiraeth. In the early hours, I wish I could be a ghost and walk around people’s houses as they sleep, looking at their furniture or seeing the views they see out of their windows. I’d like to be a more friendly Freddie Kreuger wandering in the background of people’s dreams, observing what is going on without drawing too much attention to myself. Much as I am in real life. I’d stand under the shade of a tree and smile as someone has a flying dream and soars above me. I’ll wait in the shadows and do my best to trip the ankles of demons and monsters that haunt their nightmares.
Scattered, jumbled thoughts from a scattered and tired mind. I just know one thing for certain; that I love these pictures. For a while now, I have felt stuck in a creative rut with photography and it’s because I forgot that feeling of naivety and innocence when I first picked up my camera and pointed it at the sun. I read too many articles about photography and blindly followed the various secrets that other professionals don’t want you to know. Around halfway through this walk, realising that my shots weren’t coming out right, I reverted back to 2013. I stopped fucking about with the camera settings. I stopped fucking about with angles. I stopped fucking about with everything. I put the damn thing on one setting, I pointed at the clouds and I looked for the eagles. And before I knew it, the faces in the sky were smiling and nodding, and saying to me welcome back.